Sanguinary Pruriency
by cresent-lunette
Summary: Hidan and Deidara are stuck on a mission together, and they have to make the best of it. Is Hidan going to end up sacrificing Deidara in the end, or will his curiosity get the better of him? Yaoi, blood, cursing, lemon. HiDei.
1. Chapter 1

"Ahh… That fucking hurts, doesn't it, bitch?"

"No, no, please, don't – _Nggh…_"

"Ooh, yeah, right in the stomach. That feels so damn good."

Sacrificing a poor imbicile who passed me and looked at me wrong. That's what the bastard gets for it. He gets to face the wrath of my god, Jashin, the ultimate god of destruction and death.

"Please…" It excites me so much to see them on the ground, begging for my mercy. It makes me want to fuck them up even more. Their blood pooling beneath them, their taste on the tip of my tongue as I initiate my rituals, their screams of pain ringing in my ears. The satisfaction is so… thrilling? Is that the word? I don't fucking know anymore.

"Be grateful, you get to fucking meet Jashin-sama in death! However, in your case, I really don't think Jashin is going to give a shit about you."

My sacrifice starts crying. How sad. He's also trembling to no end, sobbing loudly, screaming in pure agony.

As if I give a rat's ass.

"Too bad you can't live through this wonderful pain. Ah, that feels so fucking _good…"_

I stab myself in my thigh, which makes the person I'm sacrificing feel the same thing. I stab myself, they get stabbed in the same spot. Get the point?

"And now, for the grand finale. You fucking ready for this shit? Yeah, it hurts good, doesn't it?"

"No… p-please… don't do it. Please don't… kill me." Blood gushes out from his mouth. I'm assuming that's from stabbing in the stomach, because my mouth is now filled with my own metallic blood.

"Prepare yourself, bastard!!" Ever so slowly the pike drives into my heart. _"Fu-u-uck…"_ I fall to my knees, the blinding pain so excrutiating. So mind-blowing. So… exhilirating.

The man stopped all movements and sounds, and I lay there, praying to Jashin. Not three minutes later I start coughing up my own damned blood, nearly choking on it. I sit up and remove the pike, keeping my prayer short. My eyes stare as my scarlet liquid puddles around me. It's kind of sticky on my fingertips.

I gaze around my surroundings. The woods, filled with trees and brush and animals. Well, the animals all ran away, anyway. Probably did some fucking good for them, too.

I'd ran into this fucker on this dirt road. He'd glanced my way – a bad mistake. That's when I started my ritual. The man's blood garnished my triple-bladed scythe, and drew Jashin's infamous symbol on the ground – a circumscribed triangle enclosed in a circle – and do whatever I so please. Only catch: I have to stay inside the circle, else I'm dead. No, wait—never mind… I keep forgetting that Death can't knock on my doorstep. Even if he chopped off my fucking head.

Sent on a mission with Deidara. He'd gone up ahead to observe our situation from our standpoint. Gone up into the air on one of his fucking birds to look around. I'm kind of glad he did – if he was here he'd be hassling me about my rituals, about how they fucking take up too much time. Well, it's about time he realizes that I don't fucking enjoy praying to Jashin for hours at a time. I have to do it.

Plus he hassles me all the time about practicing chastity. Who gives a flying fuck? Why would he care if anyone got into my pants anyway? It's what I do, it's against the laws of Jashin to be having sex. Yeah, I want to do it every so once in a while, but I keep to myself. I go off somewhere else that's closed off and take care of it. Problem solved. Big whoop. I'm not like Deidara, Mister I Can Get Whoever I Want No Problem, or Mister I Have Two Extra Mouths To Help Me, Un. I don't really care for others. All I care about is Jashin and pain. Besides, who knows what would happen to me if I do fuck someone? I would get fucked over, that's what. And I don't want to find out how, either. I like staying on Jashin's fucking good side… as if he had one.

Five minutes later the blonde flies down from the sky, landing a few yards away from me.

"Where the fuck you been, Deidara? You've deen gone for over a half-hour."

"My apologies, Hidan-san, un. I ran into some difficulties. Had to obliterate any witnesses."

I roll my eyes at Deidara. His speech impediment always gets to me. Kinda cute if the blabbermouth would shut the fuck up every so once in a while. It gets annoying hearing him talk all the fucking time and hearing that 'un' deal. It's funny a couple times, but after about ten hundred times it gets on my nerves. Then I tell him to shut the fuck up and he does… for twenty minutes.

"Why are you covered in blood, Hidan, un?"

"Sacrifice. Some fucking bastard looked at me wrong."

"I guess so. Well, climb on, we have to get moving. A trail of blood like that and we're bound to get tracked as if we walked in a foot of snow, hn."

"Yeah, yeah…" I climb on, instantly regretting it.

Cold. That's the one thing about it that I don't like. I can stand being stabbed in the fucking heart, have my head blown up, amputate all my arms and legs… but not cold. And up in the air is exactly what that is. Cold.

"Fuck, it's so fucking cold up here, Deidara, why the hell do we have to go up so damned high?"

"Because, un, otherwise we'll be spotted more easily and we want to avoid that. You know how we have to stay undercover."

"I don't give a fuck! We killed the guy already, why do we have to be incognito this time around?"

"Because it's irrational otherwise, un, don't you understand? Leader-sama told us—"

"I don't care what Leader says. I hate being cold, you fucking know that, bitch."

"Fine."

To my greatest surprise, Deidara leaned against me. I pull away, shocked.

"The fuck are you doing?!"

"Trying to keep you warm, un. Are you going to keep complaining?" He stares at me with his right eye, his face set as stone. I roll my eyes and groan.

"Fuck it… Fine, fine, fine. Do whatever the fuck you want. Don't blame me if you get covered in blood, though."

He leaned on me again. The contact was nice, I suppose, except that I was wet and the wind made it worse. I start to shiver. A hot spring sure sounded good at that moment…

A minute later: "Deidara, when the fuck do we get back to the hideout?"

"I don't know, three days at the most, un?"

"Is there a hot spring around here somewhere? I could use a good one." I arch my back, popping a few bones in my spine. That felt so much better.

"I think so, about an hour's travel from here. Some wild hot spring, you know, not a commercial one."

I twist my head to the side, popping my bones in my neck. They made a sickening cracking sound – at least to Deidara. He grimaced slightly when I popped my neck. I proceeded to my fingers and wrists, thinking his reaction was hilarious as hell.

"Gross, Hidan, don't do that or I won't take you to the spring."

"Whatever, I'm done anyway." I shake my hands to loosen them up a little, satisfied with the result. "Just get there. I'm cold and I'm tired, and a nice hot bath is the most appealing at the moment."

"Whatever you say, Hidan. Just for you, un." He rolled his eyes at me.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ahhh, that's the best. The hot water in my wounds… feels good. Burns."

"Uh-huh. Right…"

The hot spring was the best in the world. I really don't like being dirty; blood and dirt all over me just seems kind of disgusting. The blood part not so much but not when dust and shit sticks to it. Turns it to grimy mud. I don't like being covered in mud.

"Why don't you join me, Deidara? You look like you could fucking use a rest." I look him up and down. He looked exhausted.

I didn't care if Deidara watched me get in. It's my body. So what? I have a penis. So does he. I have legs and arms, a back, a head, just like him. What's he have that I don't, besides extra mouths? Didn't think so.

"Uhm, if you insist." He started stripping down. I watch him from the corner of my eye, curious. How big was he, anyway? I know how long I am, but I often wondered if Mr Feminine had a small penis. Or the other way around.

I raised my eyebrows. He's blushing like mad. Why is he blushing? I can't tell. Was he so fucking embarrassed to be naked around me? Me, who has sex with only Rosie Palm and her five daughters? I wonder how many times he'd been fucked up the ass. Maybe not enough, because he seemed so uptight.

I smack my lips, pretending to distract myself. I look around, trying to seem like I'm giving Deidara some privacy. I don't know if he buys it or not, but I do sneak a peek.

Oho, so Deidara isn't as small as everyone else makes him out to be.

Funny how men make penis sizes a big deal. I guess it's like girls and their boobs. Who gives a fuck about the size of a girl's boobs? I wouldn't know, since I've never touched a pair before, but I've heard Leader and his strange partner arguing about it once. Really annoying. Honestly, they echoed throughout the entire hideout with their shouting – one telling the other it was fucking fine while the respondent cursed, denying it all. Too damned confusing, in my opinion.

"What's wrong, Deidara?" I murmur as he slipped into the hot water.

"Huh? Nothing, un, why?" He shoots me a quizical look.

"Because you seem so uptight right now, that's why."

He turned red. "What makes you think that?"

"Never mind." I look away, biting my bottom lip hard enough to taste my own blood. Tasty. I wonder if Deidara likes the taste of blood. Maybe I could give him a taste of my own. That would be nice.

Wait. What? The fuck did I just say?

"No, tell me. I want to know." Deidara leaned forward, closer to me. He started pouting, putting on that face of his that he can pull off so effortlessly. Damn him and his eyes.

"Ngh… You just seem so fucking embarrassed being naked around me. Why? It's not like your penis is any bigger than mine." Pause. "That didn't come out right."

"Whatever." He turned his head away and leaned back, crossing his arms across his chest and clearly irritated. "I didn't know you cared that much about my _penis size_, un."

"I don't, I was just curious and I wanted to know if mine was smaller than others or something, and everyone's been making fun of you and shit…"

"Oh, they've all been making fun of me? Why? Because they think I look like a girl? Well, screw them, un. I hate them all anyway, it's not like I begged to be brought to the Akatsuki."

The big fat mouth of mine shuts up. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. I gotta make it up to him somehow, in some fucking fashion. I don't know how, though… Never was good at comforting others. Eliminate their damned problems by killing them… no skin off my nose.

So my ass moves to sit next to him. I wade over in his direction and sit next to him, my leg touching his. A record player goes on, over and over in my head: _Who are you and what did you do with yourself? Where had your sanity gone? What about fucking Jashin and your chastity? What about those? Besides, Deidara's a fucking __**man**__, for Jashin's sake!_

Deidara doesn't move his leg. Okay… that's a start.

"Deidara, I'm… sorry." I spoke quietly.

"What?" He turned his head and looked at me. I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes, exasperated. It was hard enough to fucking say it the first time.

"I said… I'm. Fucking. Sorry. Okay? Happy now?"

Deidara's eyes looked into mine. I had to admit, Deidara was an attractive individual. At least, to me he was. I don't know about the other bitches.

"I think that's the first time I've heard you apologize, un."

"The first… and the last." I move my leg slightly. Deidara looks down. The water was a little cloudy, but it wasn't hard to make out whatever was under the water.

I noted where Deidara's eyes were staring.

"You like what you see, Deidara?" He flushed red and turned his head away. He was obviously nervous. He didn't answer my question, either.

"Fine, have it your way… bitch." I lay back and place my hands behind my head, closing my eyes, not caring if I was wide open.

We remained silent for a few minutes. Then:

"Hidan?"

"What?"

"Why do you practice chastity?"

"Hadn't you asked me that question before? Seems like you did, a hundred fucking times."

"Not that I recall."

"I have to because otherwise Jashin-sama would do something. Probably kill me. Not literally, though. If he were to kill anyone I'd have him eliminate Kakuzu. The way he's always holding onto that precious money of his… Makes me sick."

"Yes, I know, Hidan." He placed his hand on my thigh. I twitch from the touch, not used to it. I open one eye to look at Deidara. He pulls his hand away, discouraged.

"You don't have to fucking move your hand if you don't want to."

"Hn."

Deidara doesn't put his hand on my leg again, though. Kinda disappointing.

I sit up straight, resting my head in my hands, lost in thought. What am I thinking, wanting Deidara to touch me, wanting Deidara to taste my blood? Tasting my blood is something that's intimate. When I sacrifice someone, I believe that the blood is the connection between me and the sacrifice, ultimately linking me to Jashin altogether. It makes sense. To me, anyway. So tasting one's blood is just like swapping spit.

My temporary Akatsuki partner shifts around a little. Surprisingly enough, he's now touching me more than before. I close my eyes completely again, relishing the contact. I bite my lip again, letting the blood flow freely in my mouth. I want to become intoxicated off my own blood. Maybe Deidara's, if given the chance.

No, no, I'm not supposed to think like that! Fuck, why the hell am I thinking this way? Someone fucking help me out here! I can't stop thinking like this, especially with a naked Deidara right next to a naked me.

I plae my hand on his thigh. He glances down at it, trying to keep his face straight. I know what he's thinking. He's thinking dirtier-than-shit thoughts. Fucked up ones.

He shifts again and clears his throat. Talk about an awkward moment.

I open my eyes and decide to break the silence. "So, Deidara."

Said blonde turned his head my way.

"What's kissing like? I'd never done it before."

"Uhm, what's with the weird question?"

I shrug. He continues.

"Well, it's hard to describe. It's nice, depending on the flavor of the person… and… if they can actually… kiss or not. I don't know, un! I can't explain something like that, that's like trying to explain a rainbow to a blind man. Like trying to explain an orgasm toa person who had never heard of penises or vaginas. You just can't, un."

"Whatever." I suck on my blood. A question on the tip of my tongue… I know I'd be in deep shit if I asked. I just know it.

He leans over. "I… I know you practice chastity." He remained silent for a second, obviously searching for the right words to say. I open my eyes and peer at him, still eating away at my own crimson.

"But… I was wondering… i-if…. You… Never mind. It doesn't matter." Deidara looked away, his face pink.

"Whatever."


	3. Chapter 3

That blonde has been on my fucking mind for the past week

That blonde has been on my fucking mind for the past week. I want to know what the hell he was wanting, to know what the hell he was wondering.

"_But… I was wondering… i-if…. You… Never mind. It doesn't matter." _

Those words echo in my head each and every day, nonstop.

It's making me go crazy.

That very same blonde is sitting across from me. We're in a small room for the night, paying for our stay with money Deidara had stolen from a blown-up passer-by. It was quite a brilliant act, if you ask me – his Jashin-damned shit of a body was spread very nicely everywhere.

His little blonde ass was sitting on the bed, picking at his fingernail polish. He seemed very, very nervous. I dunno why – I mean, I'm only a sadomasochistic religious man that loves blood, right? How much harm could that be?

"Deidara, stop that."

He looks up, slightly alarmed. "Stop what?"

"Fucking picking at your nails. It's driving me nuts."

"Oh… Sorry, Hidan-chan, it's a force of habit, un." He stopped after a moment, fidgeting.

I decided to sit next to him, sighing. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I…" He sighed, closing his eyes. "Nothing."

"It's something, Jashin dammit. You don't fucking act like this for nothing."

Deidara stayed silent, making me more and more frustrated with each passing second. If he wouldn't give me an answer… then why try?

After a moment the blonde stood up and gazed at me, his face blank. His expression started to worry me. Usually he had a smirk on his face, some kind of confident look. I stared back, raising an eyebrow in question. "The fuck are you doing?"

He slowly stepped closer and closer, looking down. Deidara seemed so forlorn at that moment…

Next thing I know, Deidara's lips crash against mine, taking me by _complete_ surprise. Startled, I push him away. "What the hell?!"

"Hidan… I wasn't sure how to tell you, but I really, really… I like you, Hidan." He was staring at his feet, blushing furious pink. Deidara was also fidgeting a LOT. It wasn't hard to tell that he was having a very difficult time telling me. I relax, trying to understand. Why me? I was nothing more than a religious zealot – as named by Kakuzu – that knew nothing of romance.

"Deidara… are you okay?"

"I'm…" He looked up, then back down, an unidentifiable change of expression on his face. "I'm fine, Hidan. Thanks for asking, un." He turned and left the small room, taking the key with him.

"Deidara…" I groaned at myself. Dammit, how could I have been so stupid?! He just worked up the guts to tell me, and I push him away… "Hidan, you are such a jackass…"

Should I wait for him to return or chase after him? I've no idea. This romance shit has got me all tied up… If something doesn't give soon, then I'm going to fucking explode.

I waited two hours before he returned.

And, after those two hours, I still had no idea what to do. I was sitting on the edge of the bed with my back to the door. He came in silence, and I stayed quiet as well. Obviously there's an awkward air.

We both went to bed that night without a word to each other.

--

I look around, surrounded by trees. Birds are chirping, a sound I hate. I'm all alone – not another soul in my sight. Everything seemed peaceful… Maybe too peaceful. I start wandering, looking for someone, anyone…

Then I see Deidara in shadow. He's dressed in nothing, I can tell, due to the absense of rough yet smooth outining usually caused by fabric. It was smooth, attractive, sculpted… And I could see his eyes. His eyes, pleading, asking for acceptance. I tried speaking, but found no words would come out. He then turned and started walking away, obviously disappointed.

And then I woke up, gasping for breath.

After a moment of hyperventilation and looking around the dark room, I relaxed. It was only a dream… Deidara's still sleeping soundly in the bed next to mine, and here I am, waking up with a cold sweat.

My hands reach up to cover my face in frustration. How could I be so stupid? He tells me such a thing like that… and I do nothing. I say nothing. I don't even look at him.

I'm so stupid.

--

A long while later, Deidara starts stirring. I'm sitting up, still in bed, examining my nails. I heard him before I saw him, if anything.

A few minutes later, he mumbled my name. "Hi-Hidan? How long have you been up, un?"

"A while."

"Oh…"

He stayed there for a moment, before sitting up and moving to the farthest edge of his bed away from me.

"Deidara."

"What?" He didn't turn to look at me.

"I'm… Sorry. About yesterday. For ignoring you like that. It… It wasn't right to just sit around and fucking do nothing." Deidara said nothing as I paused, so I continued. "I didn't do anything because I didn't know what to do… And I still don't know what the hell to do. So I'll say I'm sorry, because that's all I can think of."

"Whatever." And, with that, Deidara stood and stretched, gathering his clothes. "Get your ass up, Hidan. We've got something we need to do, un."

"What was it, again?" Truthbetold, I really did forget.

"You idiot." He shook his head in disbelief.

"Sorry…" What a great way to make me feel like shit.

He went into the bathroom for a shower. I stayed where I was, wanting to kill myself for being so stupid. Ten minutes later, he came out, smelling nice and clean.

"Dei-chan."

He looked at me, probably because of how I addressed him. I stood, starting toward him, and he watched me like a hawk, which was a little unnerving. Then, when I was a few feet from him…

I wrapped my arms around him into a kiss.

He froze, not knowing what to do, then relaxed after a moment, which made it better. _Then_ he closed his eyes… and just… melted.

We lost ourselves in each other until we could think no more.

--

Several weeks later we share a 'friends with benefits' relationship, if that's what you call it. We'd only see each other when everyone else in Akatsuki was out on their own or on missions, and we'd linger behind. Deidara hated it, and so did I, but if Leader-sama and the rest knew of our relationship we'd be fucked.

At least we have a little something.


End file.
